Posts Tagged ‘family’

Memories Are Personal

Thursday, March 1st, 2012

Memory is strange. Thinking logically, it would seem that people sharing the same life experiences would share the same memories, but that is rarely the case. I remember chuckling to myself as a teenager whenever my grandmother and her sister, Aunt Jeanie, would have conversations about their childhood inOhio. They both had crystal clear recollections of their home and neighborhood – and these memories were totally different. They talked about the corner grocery store, but they each placed it on a different corner. When they discussed their older brother, Uncle Bill, as child, he came across as two people or one with a split-personality.

That suppressed laughter came back to haunt me a few years ago in discussions about my childhood with the brother and sister closest in age to me. After awhile I began to wonder if we had lived in the same house during those early years – and whether we had actually grown up with the same parents!

These thoughts came to mind today when I attended a session at the library. Charlotte Hinger(www.charlottehinger.com), author of numerous books and articles, talked about the unreliability of family stories. A native ofKansas, she was involved in writing a book of family histories for the county she lived in. She discovered that no family has one history. Each family member has a personal history – and as I had discovered for myself – these histories seldom agree.

Charlottealso talked about family stories that have been passed on through generations that have been proved to be factually false, but the tales continue to be passed on. Amazingly, these fabricated family legends are most treasured.

Sometimes families keep secrets through tacit agreements for many years. Then when the people involved get into their 70s and 80s, they begin to talk. Such was the case inCharlotte’s family. One day a cousin approached her with a question for her then elderly mother. WouldCharlotteplease ask her if Aunt Margaret really did kill Aunt Mattie? ThusCharlottewas thrust into research into her own family history.

Consider your childhood memories. Are these recollections shared with anyone else or are they unique for you?

Decade Birthdays

Friday, March 18th, 2011

My brother Dennis will turn 60 in a few days. The family gathered in Black Hawk for a joyous celebration. Brother Bill and his wife Earlene graciously took me up and helped me get around as it was my first trip there in over fifteen years ñ and things have changed!

We went on Wednesday and had our own time with the Birthday Boy and his wife Claudia that day and, again, Thursday morning before others began arriving. Brothers Ralph, with wife Cheryl, and Roy, with wife Sue, arrived yesterday. Sister Linda was unable to join us due to health problems.

About 1:00 this afternoon (Friday) we all gathered in a room at the Ameristar Hotel. We lit candles on a large cake ñ 6 candles, each representing 10 years ñ and sang Happy Birthday. We basked in our time together and admired the glorious scene of snow on the evergreen trees from our vantage point on the 23rd floor. We brothers and sisters donít always agree with each other 100% (no political discussions by mutual agreement), but we do always love and respect each other.

Now in the quiet of my own home, I am reflecting on the tradition of noting decade birthdays in special ways. I remember aiming to get my doctorate for my 40th birthday. I missed that goal by a few months ñ receiving the Degree in December instead of May of that year, but I was still 40! My sister Linda threw a surprise party for my 50th birthday. We had a great brunch in the Sheraton Hotel in Lakewood with family and close friends. I was awake to greet my 60th birthday at 12:01 a.m., but exhausted, sitting in an airport in Lima, Peru, waiting to return from an inspirational two-week trip featuring Caroline Myss. The family honored that birthday a few weeks later with everyone giving me packages containing 60 of something ñ paperclips, note pads, marbles, stuffed mice, pennies, etc. When I turned 70 last May, Bill, Earlene, and Linda hosted a fabulous party for friends and family. I am truly blessed.

Yes! Letís celebrate life! Letís celebrate each decade and continue to anticipate even greater events and joys as we move into the challenging and unchartered territory of a new age.

Anticipation

Thursday, February 24th, 2011

"An-ti-ci-pa-tion" the way Carly Simon sang it sounded marvelous.

I am enjoying the anticipation of a long overdue visit with my brother. Always our family has been close - you know, the kind of close that means we call one another, criss-crossing the country with our phone calls.

My sister Lynda and I are on the phone at least three times a week. Same with my brother Lawrence. Cousins, too. We might not see one another often, but we remain connected. Thank goodness for VOIP and lots of cell phone minutes!

We are grounded in the safety net we provide for one another. We've been through births and weddings and graduations and adventures. We've also shared illnesses, deaths, divorces and life's disappointments more often over the phone than in person.

But for the next 2 weeks I will have the distinct pleasure of sharing face-time with my Bro - and taking him all around Colorado yet again. Each time he visits he sees more of my favorite places. And always, the laughs and memories we share are gifts to be savored.

Delicious ... this anticipation.† Sing it Carly!

Cancer Is Cruel

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

When my sister Linda discovered a large mass in one of her breasts last summer, we all hoped for the best. Indeed, the news was first bad. ìYes, she has cancer.î And then good. ìThe cancer is contained in the one breast.î Then bad again. ìChemotherapy for a year. Surgery in about three months.î

As Linda began the chemo treatments she told everyone that she was in denial. This was not happening to her. She was just going through the motions to please the doctors and her family. She has vacillated between denial and depression since then. Her body has protested. It does not like whatever is being pumped into her. She has had constant problems with eating, with digestion, with lack of energy, with depression.

The time came to talk to the surgeon. Last Friday. I was there. Once again, the news was good and bad. The good, ìThe size of the lump has decreased significantly.î The bad. ìThe breast needs to be completely removed.î Linda asked, ìWhat about my other breast?î The doctor replied, ìWe recommend that you have it removed also. True, there is nothing wrong with that breast at the present time, but the odds of developing cancer there are high. Do you want to start this whole process over again?î The good news. ìYou will have a better sense of balance and you will not need radiology treatments.î

Linda moved from the stage of denial into the stage of anger. ìYou told me that if I had chemo for 18 weeks that the lump would be small enough to remove and leave the rest of my breast.î The doctor shook his head a bit, but did not reply. He allowed her to vent more anger ñ anger against him, anger about losing parts of her body, anger against her oncologist, anger against her family, anger about having cancer.

The surgery is scheduled for 9:00 a.m. next Monday. I will be there. Her family will be there. We will come through this together.

Holiday Feasts

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

Confession time. Last month I missed my turn on the blog. I was supposed to post the Monday before Thanksgiving, but I guess I was having a little too much fun with my son being home from college to remember things like blogs.

Youíd have thought Flash could have stepped in and helped me out, but heís still off in a snit somewhere because Iím writing about a boy named Zach instead of him right now.

Anyway, I was not baking pies and basting turkeys. I was packing my long underwear, hiking boots and polypropylene socks; preparing to drive eight hours to Moab, Utah. For four or five days every year we celebrate Thanksgiving by hiking in Arches National Park and the surrounding area.

We climb to the top of slickrock buttes that look impossible to scale, wade through freezing water in slot canyons, and argue over which wash will take us where we want to go. We stay in dumpy motels and eat our Thanksgiving dinner at Dennyís.

Thatís because we donít need a traditional Thanksgiving feast to make our holiday complete. We feast on togetherness, Godís amazing creation, and adventure. Many people think weíre a little crazy, but we wouldnít trade our annual Moab trips for all the turkey and dressing in the world.

Now itís the Monday before Christmas and Iím packing again. The last two years we left for a vacation on Christmas Day and skipped Christmas dinner, too. This year is a little more traditional. Weíre going to spend three days with extended family. I think weíre eating ham.